The most endearing quality of a brilliant friend and mentor was … his listening skills
A few years ago, I lost a good friend and mentor way too early to cancer. Jimmy and I knew each other through our wives, who have been best friends since grade school. By any possible personal or professional metric, Jimmy lived an extraordinary life.
He was born to Irish immigrant parents in New Haven, CT in what is now an impoverished neighborhood. He attended Notre Dame Catholic High School, earned a bachelors from Yale and an MBA from Harvard. Then spent time at McKinsey and Bear Sterns before becoming President of the Business Service Group at Aramark.
His last job — and his favorite I’m told — was as CEO of Hinkley Yachts, fulfilling a lifetime love of boating.
But his incredible resume and intellect is not what I remember or cherish most about the limited time that I got to spend with Jimmy. What I remember was that he was the best listener that I’ve ever met.
The best listener? Yes. The most endearing quality of a brilliant friend and mentor was his listening skills. I know it seems strange, but stay with me. When you spoke with Jimmy, he did not check emails on his phone, look at his watch or seem distracted or disinterested. He had this incredible quality to make you feel like you were the most important person in the world, and that there was nothing more he would want to be doing than sitting with you in that moment.
It was a truly amazing quality that I admire and think about often. I’m constantly distracted, busy and multi-tasking, isn’t everyone? But what if we could make an effort to stay in the present moment, focus on what we are doing and engage more fully with people. It’s easy to say, though hard to do, but the email can wait, the text can wait, trust me.
I can remember vividly one of my last conversations with Jimmy before he got sick. We were in his old convertible on Cape Cod and he was grilling me on my company – how were margins? Cash flow? Expansion plans? I’ve had thousands of conversations with hundreds of people since then, but that one sticks out in my mind. Why? I think it’s because we were fully engaged, enjoying each other’s company and actually listening to each other.
As I sit here thinking about my friend, I’ll make a commitment to become a better listener and engage with people more fully.
Please join me.